Happy New Year
Lots of thoughts going into this new year and reflecting on the last.
The last year was very hard but I feel like it was a lot of residual from the year before. With that said I feel like I've grown immensely personally. I completed my goal of going the year without buying any new clothing. That goal lead me in quite a big way into minimalism. I spent December of 2017 going through stuff and getting rid of the things that either I didn't love or they didn't have a purpose. I realized that holiday season that I was so excited about all the stuff I was going to get, and I realized that joy was very fleeting. I started to think more about my life and what I wanted it to look like and I think I have moved closer to that then I've ever felt.
This journey for me was very solo as Ryan had a year of demons. Sometimes when we choose to spend our lives with someone we don't realize that their life is still a separate journey. I have to say this is the first time in our relationship where I feel like I've had to be strong for US. I have a very strong husband who isn't used to life kicking the crap out of him, he's usually up for the challenge, this last couple of years have been different, and hes needed more from me. I think it has been time for me to step up. I've tried and I think we all find ourselves overly critical, there have been places I've succeeded and places I have failed, I'm still here and still trying.
I've learned this year more about being authentic within myself and towards my planet. Going a year without buying clothes has taught me that I don't need a lot of clothes but the clothes that I do have I want to love. I also don't want to buy things that were created in suffering, this feels closer to the earth and I feel most me when I do this. Today I bought my first item of clothing and what I want is to buy things that are sustainable. For me this means either buying used or buying from companies that are ethical. I love my planet and want to direct love to the people who make things even if I don't know them. I also feel a strong sense of accomplishment from finishing this and knowing I can do a thing that was in the beginning particularly hard for me.
For this next year my hope is healing, I want our hearts and our bodies to heal. I have a shoulder injury that I need to pay attention to and really want to care for. I also want this year to be about strength. I want to nurture my body and my mind. I want to climb all the rocks and I want to be strong and fit. I have given up sugar and am eating healthy so we will see. Also, I want to help my husband heal and I want to come out stronger together.
Ending this last year is a bit of a sigh of relief and trepidation going into the next year hoping it'll be kind to us. I was able to spend this holiday season giving and that felt so rewarding I think I'll do it every year. I spent time finding useful things for those that I love and helping some kids get something for Christmas when they might now have otherwise.
Anyways good luck to everyone, wishing you all love peace and health in the next year
-Shea
Saturday, January 5, 2019
Saturday, November 19, 2016
What to like about Maryland from an outsider.
As we have been living here now a whole five months I am now beginning to really fall in love with Maryland. I've come to realize a lot of my reasons have to do with the fact that I'm not from here, some of the finer points are lost on the people here.
-East Coast Autumn
I can not overstate how awesome fall is here. It feels fancier like it should always be named Autumn because everything does not simply fall, die, and become winter. In Utah often I'd find myself saying "lets go see the leaves" "lets go on a drive" and if you didn't go right then you ultimately missed it and next thing you know its snowing on Halloween. I spent many a childhood Halloween with a puffy winter coat on over my costume ruining the effect that I was truly a ghost. Here I feel like a professional writer sipping my coffee on our deck, hearing birds chirp, and squirrels climb trees. I mean the sun is actually shinning and yesterday you guys had your first big snow. Just sayin'. A tiny bit of chill in the air, some rain but mostly perfect Autumn with leaves still on the trees in mid November. I've spent every day this week walking and I haven't hit the seasonal depression slump that I get right about when daylight savings ends and it gets colder. People here are confused at my almost giddiness because they don't know the difference but I am reveling in it.
Though we haven't experienced winter here yet but as far as I can tell I think we'll be fine. Today I had someone tell me that last winter was a really bad one; they had A blizzard (as in one), and there must have been a whole foot of snow. This isn't the first time I have had someone explain the winters as the worst thing ever only to find out that they aren't even close to one winters day in Utah. I know I know "best snow on earth", but for me personally when you don't ski/snowboard, 6 months of winter is too much. I feel like I have to hunker down and hibernate while depression becomes my roommate and joy goes on a 6 month vacation. I hate the lack of sun and Ryan hates the cold. He goes into the "I'm not waking up because bed is so warm and I'll stay here forever" part of the year. It's like perpetual morning Ryan. Morning Ryan is the Ryan I have made up that exists between normal waking hours and 11am. He is hostile, grumpy, requires coffee and no conversations about anything serious. Examples of anything serious include but are not limited to: weekend plans, something I was thinking about that I just needed to talk to him about, if he wants to go grocery shopping later, etc. Suffice it to say that I think Maryland winters are looking to be an added benefit to the happiness of both Ryan and I.
-Wineries
Wineries are a thing here and because I'm on the east coast a lot of them are old and awesome. Coming from Utah I feel like I have moved to Italy and am now a wine connoisseur giving my opinions on wine while going to wine tastings. I have no idea if I actually have good taste in wines, all I know is that I now have a favorite winery. We just went to one this last Saturday that was an old 1800's farm house that got turned into a winery in the 70's. They refurbished everything with the help of the Amish. To Ryan's surprise and happiness there was also a brewery next door. So you spend a day go to a winery have crackers and cheese and make it a day of leisure. This is something that feels like a luxury to me where otherwise it might not have if I had experienced this my whole adult life.The first time I realized I wasn't under Utah alcohol law was the day we went into a liquor store and they offered me a taste of wine... no ID check, no anything just "here have some wine and talk to me about it". My favorite wine so far tastes like adult raspberry high quality juice, 'tis the best.
-Little things
I've always loved history, as a little kid instead of spending Saturdays watching cartoons, my dad and I would watch the history channel (when it was still about history). I love thinking about all the different lives that have culminated to create the way I live my life and all the things I love. So living in a place with so much history surrounding it is amazing. Everything is so close that a bunch of things we've never seen before are right at our finger tips. For example: DC is an hour away, Gettysburg is an hour away, Philadelphia is two hours away and New York its a little more than three hours away and we can even take a train, just to name a few. The states are so small here you easily cross several states in the time it would take to get to the bottom of Utah. I'm ready for the years of exploring ahead of me and lucky to have someone to do it with.
We live in what feels like a small town. Sparks is kind of rural condensed, there windy roads, farm houses and a one way bridge announcing that it has a stop light and its new. But if you were to drive five minutes away from Sparks you'd find a mall. You get the small town closeness with the convenience of suburbs. Sparks is maybe ten minutes from end to end and the townships flow quickly from one to another. Everything is condensed here. It feels like we are far from the big city when in reality downtown Baltimore is only 30 minutes away. I'm glad we don't live in Baltimore, it's great for a day trip but its not a safe place to live.
There is a lot of character in this area one of my favorite places that I found almost immediately was the coffee shop called "the filling station". Great little coffee shop that looks like it used to be a auto body. They re-did the garage for tables and chairs inside but the best place to be is outside in the back. The staff is friendly and knows many of their customers by name and beverage. So far I have not found a coffee shop that will serve mugs, to my dismay it's all in to-go cups, though you can bring your own to-go mug and they will happily fill that for you.
Close to our place is a trail called the NCR trail or Northern Central Railroad trail. It used to be an old railroad and currently stretches from northern Maryland to southern Pennsylvania. Its roughly 20 miles long and you can walk, run, bike, and horse back ride. The trail follows a river that is great for tubing, fishing and I've even seen someone stand up paddle board. Its become my go to place to exercise. With the extended fall I'm taking full advantage and walking here every day.
There is a market called the Pennsylvania dutch market that is run completely by Amish. It's like the downtown Salt Lake farmers market but with Amish made everything. There is a diner inside, a home made pretzel stand, a candy shop and rosted nuts at the front door. Its only open Thursday through Saturday but is packed every time. It feels like you are in a different country when you take a step inside the Amish culture, they have interesting accents and mannerisms. I love this market.
Anyone that has moved accross the country knows that it is a rough transition. Everything is new and you know nobody. Part of that is what makes it so great when you find the things you do love about the new place. I am beginning to be be grateful to be an outsider looking in. I think the things I appreciate and am loving about Maryland might not mean as much if I hadn't had to go through the struggle of moving here. Now the new is exciting and making this place seem much more like home. We are meeting new people and feeling settled in this new place. Until next time.
-Shea (& Ryan)
-East Coast Autumn
 |
| My writing place aka our deck |
Though we haven't experienced winter here yet but as far as I can tell I think we'll be fine. Today I had someone tell me that last winter was a really bad one; they had A blizzard (as in one), and there must have been a whole foot of snow. This isn't the first time I have had someone explain the winters as the worst thing ever only to find out that they aren't even close to one winters day in Utah. I know I know "best snow on earth", but for me personally when you don't ski/snowboard, 6 months of winter is too much. I feel like I have to hunker down and hibernate while depression becomes my roommate and joy goes on a 6 month vacation. I hate the lack of sun and Ryan hates the cold. He goes into the "I'm not waking up because bed is so warm and I'll stay here forever" part of the year. It's like perpetual morning Ryan. Morning Ryan is the Ryan I have made up that exists between normal waking hours and 11am. He is hostile, grumpy, requires coffee and no conversations about anything serious. Examples of anything serious include but are not limited to: weekend plans, something I was thinking about that I just needed to talk to him about, if he wants to go grocery shopping later, etc. Suffice it to say that I think Maryland winters are looking to be an added benefit to the happiness of both Ryan and I.
-Wineries
Wineries are a thing here and because I'm on the east coast a lot of them are old and awesome. Coming from Utah I feel like I have moved to Italy and am now a wine connoisseur giving my opinions on wine while going to wine tastings. I have no idea if I actually have good taste in wines, all I know is that I now have a favorite winery. We just went to one this last Saturday that was an old 1800's farm house that got turned into a winery in the 70's. They refurbished everything with the help of the Amish. To Ryan's surprise and happiness there was also a brewery next door. So you spend a day go to a winery have crackers and cheese and make it a day of leisure. This is something that feels like a luxury to me where otherwise it might not have if I had experienced this my whole adult life.The first time I realized I wasn't under Utah alcohol law was the day we went into a liquor store and they offered me a taste of wine... no ID check, no anything just "here have some wine and talk to me about it". My favorite wine so far tastes like adult raspberry high quality juice, 'tis the best.
-Little things
I've always loved history, as a little kid instead of spending Saturdays watching cartoons, my dad and I would watch the history channel (when it was still about history). I love thinking about all the different lives that have culminated to create the way I live my life and all the things I love. So living in a place with so much history surrounding it is amazing. Everything is so close that a bunch of things we've never seen before are right at our finger tips. For example: DC is an hour away, Gettysburg is an hour away, Philadelphia is two hours away and New York its a little more than three hours away and we can even take a train, just to name a few. The states are so small here you easily cross several states in the time it would take to get to the bottom of Utah. I'm ready for the years of exploring ahead of me and lucky to have someone to do it with.
 |
| The Filling Station Front |
 |
| The Filling Station Back |
 |
| NCR Trail |
There is a market called the Pennsylvania dutch market that is run completely by Amish. It's like the downtown Salt Lake farmers market but with Amish made everything. There is a diner inside, a home made pretzel stand, a candy shop and rosted nuts at the front door. Its only open Thursday through Saturday but is packed every time. It feels like you are in a different country when you take a step inside the Amish culture, they have interesting accents and mannerisms. I love this market.
Anyone that has moved accross the country knows that it is a rough transition. Everything is new and you know nobody. Part of that is what makes it so great when you find the things you do love about the new place. I am beginning to be be grateful to be an outsider looking in. I think the things I appreciate and am loving about Maryland might not mean as much if I hadn't had to go through the struggle of moving here. Now the new is exciting and making this place seem much more like home. We are meeting new people and feeling settled in this new place. Until next time.
-Shea (& Ryan)
Friday, November 11, 2016
Choose Love
Of all the posts the main thing I am hearing is an unwillingness to have a discussion, nothing changes without discussion and understanding.We have more in common then we do different and unless we are willing to see the other side as human we are going to make this much worse before it gets better. WE are going to make this worse not trump. If we say we stand for love then stand for love. Do not just love people that are easy to love. If you choose love you choose to love mankind not just the easy bits. I am sad for people on both sides who are left scared. I see a choice like this for our country being made from a place of fear, fear of what you don't understand.
I see a lot of anger going back and forth. Anger is the easy way out. People threaten to shut everyone out of their lives that disagree with their opinion. Is that what we have come to? We don't listen unless it makes sense to us? How do we expect to learn anything if we write off half of everyone as having nothing of value?
When I left the church I had a lot of people do the same thing to me, they shut me out of their lives because of my beliefs being different. They told me blatantly that if I were to come back to church again we could talk. There was a very small group of people who told me they loved me the same. Those people made all the difference. I wouldn't have the relationship I still have her mom if it weren't for a mutual respect and understanding for each other. I see her changing in a lot of what I think are positive ways. Finding common ground brings us all closer. When you are closer its harder to demonize people.
This is a democracy we have fought for the right to have differing opinions. I believe it to be to our benefit to get down to a human level with people and understand why they think and feel the way they do. What are we missing? If I can find peace with my Mormon mother its not impossible for you to find common ground with those around you. I believe that not everyone is a monster, please stop making everyone around you feel that way. They have families and homes and hopes and dreams, things they have worked a lifetime for and things they are truly passionate about, they have a story, they are capable of love. Give them a reason to love. They are more like us than we care to admit.
We are beautiful, we are flawed, we are scared, we are alive, we are cherished, we are love, we are understanding, we are pain, we are inspiration, we are clarity, we are human, we are fear, we are hope, we are identity, we are family, we are connected, we are language, we are heart, we are tears, we are loss, we are...
I see a lot of anger going back and forth. Anger is the easy way out. People threaten to shut everyone out of their lives that disagree with their opinion. Is that what we have come to? We don't listen unless it makes sense to us? How do we expect to learn anything if we write off half of everyone as having nothing of value?
When I left the church I had a lot of people do the same thing to me, they shut me out of their lives because of my beliefs being different. They told me blatantly that if I were to come back to church again we could talk. There was a very small group of people who told me they loved me the same. Those people made all the difference. I wouldn't have the relationship I still have her mom if it weren't for a mutual respect and understanding for each other. I see her changing in a lot of what I think are positive ways. Finding common ground brings us all closer. When you are closer its harder to demonize people.
This is a democracy we have fought for the right to have differing opinions. I believe it to be to our benefit to get down to a human level with people and understand why they think and feel the way they do. What are we missing? If I can find peace with my Mormon mother its not impossible for you to find common ground with those around you. I believe that not everyone is a monster, please stop making everyone around you feel that way. They have families and homes and hopes and dreams, things they have worked a lifetime for and things they are truly passionate about, they have a story, they are capable of love. Give them a reason to love. They are more like us than we care to admit.
We are beautiful, we are flawed, we are scared, we are alive, we are cherished, we are love, we are understanding, we are pain, we are inspiration, we are clarity, we are human, we are fear, we are hope, we are identity, we are family, we are connected, we are language, we are heart, we are tears, we are loss, we are...
Thursday, November 10, 2016
Unemployed Poster Girl
I quit my job on Election day. I have been trying to get in with this company (you can ask me if you are curious) for two months now and just had my first full day on Tuesday. Its disappointing to find a job and realize everything that they are isn't worth it to you. Its posts like this that make me feel ungrateful because I'm looking for something different in my life. They are looking for mandatory 50-ish hours a week of lifting heavy things and going so fast that if you were to go faster you might as well be running. When someone in my training class had asked "How do you do this job and balance family life?" the answer was vaguely something like how their employee's have a high divorce rate but it pays great. "But it pays great" is something I've heard over and over again as a valid reason to give up your life. I understand taking this job if you are willing to never be home and make a decent amount of money. I just don't care about money that much. I understand how unbelievably lucky I am to have the life that I do. I don't have kids or any other huge financial restraints so maybe I don't have room to talk. I also understand this sacrifice being an honorable thing to do if you have kids to provide for and no other means. But I also don't understand the mentality of having kids that you can't afford, I mean you really don't have to have more kids I promise ;). I'm not particularly even mad at the company, I just think the mentality is what is frustrating me. That working your life away is the best way to live. To have enough money but never enough time to actually enjoy it. That most of our time is spent working and that now 40 hours a week isn't enough. I mean is it really worth it?
I realize that in the not so distant past I wouldn't have even been allowed to work outside the home let alone choose to not have kids(even for all the flack I get for it). I'm lucky to have a husband that loves what he does and gets paid enough for it. I'm in a weird place as a woman in this age. I am a 28 year old, married without children, high school only education, mostly relying on husbands income, commercial bus driving qualified woman. I don't want kids and am severely dismayed by the idea of going back to college. I know too many people that can't do anything with their degrees, yet I feel a great deal anxiety over being perceived as uneducated. I hate relying on my husband financially, yet I would be totally willing to do the same for him and have in the past. I feel wholly undeserving of the life I have. I find that there is so much value placed on what you do for a living. I look at my life and even at 28 I still have no idea what I would want to do (when I grow up). As long as I can remember all I've ever wanted to do was be married. I wanted to have someone to love that loves me back and sticks around. I had no idea what I would want as a career or even wanting a career. As an adult I am lost with my place in the world because I don't fit into a compact box.
All of this reflection has brought me down to what I really want. I want to drive a bus again preferably full time for a university here in Maryland. I want to feel fulfilled in the work I do and have time for the hobbies that bring me joy. I want to be a big financial contributor to our house while doing something I love. I have been mostly unemployed sense we moved here and the process of looking for a job is almost as disheartening as having the wrong one. I haven't been unemployed for a long period of time in 7 years. Now I completely understand why it sucks so much. It really weighs on how we feel about ourselves. It brings up all the demonds you would rather not hav. You live in the height of boredom without anywhere to go. It makes you feel guilt over spending any money because you aren't contributing. It is truly a soul crushing experience. Anyone that has experienced this understands the point I am at. Hopefully I won't be unemployed much longer. (cross your fingers)
I don't know how to end all this. What I can say right now is that unemployment sucks, writing is fun and helps me reflect on my life and where I am going. I hope to look back on this and remember that it sucked when I am doing something I love again. Goodnight all :)
-Shea
I realize that in the not so distant past I wouldn't have even been allowed to work outside the home let alone choose to not have kids(even for all the flack I get for it). I'm lucky to have a husband that loves what he does and gets paid enough for it. I'm in a weird place as a woman in this age. I am a 28 year old, married without children, high school only education, mostly relying on husbands income, commercial bus driving qualified woman. I don't want kids and am severely dismayed by the idea of going back to college. I know too many people that can't do anything with their degrees, yet I feel a great deal anxiety over being perceived as uneducated. I hate relying on my husband financially, yet I would be totally willing to do the same for him and have in the past. I feel wholly undeserving of the life I have. I find that there is so much value placed on what you do for a living. I look at my life and even at 28 I still have no idea what I would want to do (when I grow up). As long as I can remember all I've ever wanted to do was be married. I wanted to have someone to love that loves me back and sticks around. I had no idea what I would want as a career or even wanting a career. As an adult I am lost with my place in the world because I don't fit into a compact box.
All of this reflection has brought me down to what I really want. I want to drive a bus again preferably full time for a university here in Maryland. I want to feel fulfilled in the work I do and have time for the hobbies that bring me joy. I want to be a big financial contributor to our house while doing something I love. I have been mostly unemployed sense we moved here and the process of looking for a job is almost as disheartening as having the wrong one. I haven't been unemployed for a long period of time in 7 years. Now I completely understand why it sucks so much. It really weighs on how we feel about ourselves. It brings up all the demonds you would rather not hav. You live in the height of boredom without anywhere to go. It makes you feel guilt over spending any money because you aren't contributing. It is truly a soul crushing experience. Anyone that has experienced this understands the point I am at. Hopefully I won't be unemployed much longer. (cross your fingers)
I don't know how to end all this. What I can say right now is that unemployment sucks, writing is fun and helps me reflect on my life and where I am going. I hope to look back on this and remember that it sucked when I am doing something I love again. Goodnight all :)
-Shea
Monday, November 7, 2016
An Intro
It has been an interesting process starting a blog on our lives. Assessing your life and widdleing it down to stories is a huge and so far wholly worth it expedition. It has made me feel fulfilled in a way that I truly miss. The goal of this blog is connection, I want to connect to all those I love at home and connect you all with our new home. The way we share who we are is through stories and the stories we tell often only reach a small group of people. How we perceive the scale is what is truly important. We can only be one person but to a small group of people we are the world. Thank you for letting me share the Taylorton's best attempt at life. This blog will be of life experiences and my favorite stories that have happened while Ryan and I have been together along with random writings and thoughts on life. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it and thank you for being a part of my world
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